Your Three Words

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By: Tamra Thacker

I've been thinking about the concept of Spheres of Influence along with the concept that I'm calling Your Three Words. I'd like to present to you this idea, so stick with me.

I have recently realized that during the course of our life we influence relatively few people. If you want to think about who we deeply influence, that list gets even shorter. Our family, and perhaps a few good friends.

So let's say most people deeply influence roughly 20 people. If you want to think of it in terms of your family legacy, your general influence will be felt for generations. But most of us aren't lucky enough to have a huge impact on the world, so our influence will fade quickly. Our posterity will make different choices, they will decide we were wrong, or they'll just forget about us. I figure most of us have about a 100-year window of influence. Think about it. You know about your mother, and you know her fairly intimately. You probably know about your mother's mother, too. If you didn't meet her, you have heard of her, and you know some details about her life and personality. So that's two generations back. Do you know about your grandmother's mother? Most of us probably don't know much about our great-grandparents, and that's only three generations back!

So you get a largely influential few years followed by almost complete oblivion. This isn't meant to be depressing, just realistic. And it doesn't bother me that I won't influence my great-great-grandchildren. In fact, I'm happy someone else will have that job. I'm just starting you off thinking about how small our sphere of influence really is. For 20 people or so, you will have a maybe 100-year window of influence. (Some of your great-great-grandchildren will be reading your family history or autobiography, sure; but let's face it, many won't.)

Now think about everyone else. Think about how many people walk into your life and then walk out. You knew them for 10 years or 5 years or a few months or even a few hours. They were your neighbors or your co-workers or your casual acquaintances or your church friends or someone you saw at the store. Your window of influence for these people is SO SMALL.

Most people only have time to come to certain conclusions about you and then move on with their lives. (Again, this isn't meant to be depressing, just realistic.) So I figure that for 99.9% of everyone we ever meet, we have about a three-word influence: Your Three Words. No matter how well or how little someone knows you, that person has a general feel for how you are. And I figure that over-all feel comes with a three-word description of who you are (maybe up to five words, but we'll say three).

You're probably thinking that this is an over-simplified idea. Well, that's kind of the point: 99.9% of the people you meet only have the time to get to know you in an over-simplified way. They will come to a conclusion about you, either quickly or over time, and that will be Your Three Words. When you come to their mind, they will quickly associate Your Three Words with your name, and that's your image in their lives.

Here's an example list:

• Person #1- funny, charming, and very nice
• Person #2- sweet, flaky, and rose-colored
• Person #3- talkative, negative, and tainted
• Person #4- a leader, pragmatic, and a good listener
• Person #5- happy, soft, and sweet
• Person #6- abusive, angry, and non-human
• Person #7- persevering, thoughtful, and meek
• Person #8- competitive, humble, and compassionate
• Person #9- fake, complicated, and controlling
• Person #10- charitable, compassionate, and loving
• Person #11- stressed-out, overwhelmed, and creative

As you can imagine, this list is actually based on people I really know. And I'm betting you know people like this, too. Your Three Words will be different for each person you know, because people know you differently. To some people, My Three Words might be fun-loving, easy-going, and flexible. Others might see me as opinionated, brutally honest, and real. Whatever My Three Words are for that person, I'm trying to make sure that I'm okay with those Three Words.

When I go to the grocery store with my children, I portray an image to everyone I see. Do I come across as stressed-out or happy with motherhood? When I open my mouth to talk, do I say words kindly or do I say them with an edge? All this plays into My Three Words. So think about what you want Your Three Words to be.

You only get Three Words.

Make 'em count.